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A negative girls guide on becoming more positive.

I will never be a peppy go-getter and I’ve come to terms with that.

I tend to dwell, mope and kick dirt when things don’t go my way, but I’ve now come to realize that I may have to stand on my head, but I will turn my frown upside down somehow. 

So, here are some beginner steps to becoming a more positive person.

1) Get rid of the assholes from your life. Hate your job? Quit. Boyfriend break up with you? He can go fuck himself. Friends too busy for you? Get better friends. Simple. 

I recommend accidentally deleting your contact list from your phone like I did when I upgraded the software. At first, you’ll be pissed, but you’ll realized that this will get rid of all the people that you never talk to or shouldn’t talk to. This will show who actually wants to be in your life and you’ll avoid those 2am drunken text messages.

2) Do things to help the greater good. Raise money for a charity. Donate blood. Hold doors for people. Save worms that wriggle on the sidewalk on a rainy day from being stepped on. However, do not give money to the guy outside the LCBO at Dundas and Spadina. He will lick his lips and grab at his crotch after you give him a quarter. Unless you want that to happen…

3) Change things up. Get out of your usual routine. Go to a different coffee shop. Take a different route to work. Make something different for dinner. Cut all your hair off. Getting stuck in a rut is why people get depressed and then shoot up their workplace. 

4) Exercise. Whether it’s a bike ride or a full workout, it will take your mind off of the world for an hour and ups your energy. Also, you won’t be a sad fat person. 

5) Don’t assume when a strange old man says hi to you on the street that he wants to have sex and then murder you. He might just be friendly. And chances are good he probably only wants to sleep with you.

More to come soon…